Comedian advises readers to plant bulbs

Chris Crofton, a Nashvillian comedian and podcaster, answered a question from a reader in the United Kingdom about gardening. He responded to a letter asking if it is worthwhile to plant autumn-blooming bulb flowers. Crofton has held the title of Advice King since 2014, when he started a column for the Nashville Scene.

Crofton told the reader, Mary Ann, that anything is worthwhile if it brings her happiness. He argued that the world belongs to everyone, not just the wealthy. He criticized rich people for lowering tax rates for themselves and buying major media outlets. He claimed those outlets promote a transactional worldview that favors asking for forgiveness over permission.

The Advice King noted that many small shops have been replaced by larger replicas. He described these new stores as places where customers interact with QR codes instead of staff. He said employees at these locations are underpaid and angry. Crofton suggested that wealthy people would tell Mary Ann to buy pre-blooming flowers and hire someone to plant them for little money.

Crofton advised the reader to focus on her own time on Earth. He suggested she plant flowers, practice taekwondo in a park, play the zither, or paint cave walls. He emphasized that she should do her favorite things while she can. He added a caveat for people who create digital payment systems to freeze the funds of political enemies.

He stated that a favorite thing should not inhibit a neighbor's ability to enjoy their own favorite things. This applies even if the neighbor disagrees with the person in charge. Crofton concluded his advice with a poem titled Autumn-Blooming Bulbs. The poem describes the speaker realizing they are a wild and free bulb. The speaker decides to bloom wherever and whenever they please.

Readers can follow Crofton on Bluesky and Instagram at @thecroftonshow. He hosts the Cold Brew Got Me Like podcast and has written The Advice King Anthology. People interested in submitting questions for the Advice King can email bestofbread@gmail.com.